Ponderings and Remebereances

Midnight 27 Kyuto

2005-08-04T14:26:35Z

I'm home again, Tonight was a lovely night. Elizabeth was kind enough to take e to her Villa for a private dinner after the scene in the common room earlier. I accidentally let it slip that I was planning to leave the Crown for less expensive lodgings. Elizabeth has invited me to move to the Villa with her as a guest, I accepted though I begin to wonder about her generosity. I know that she would never harbor any ill toward me but I can't help but wonder why she has be so kind to me. But perhaps I am just trying to see something that is not there, best not to dwell on such when the mind is not fully awake. I wrote a note begging Gabriel to meet me tomorrow night, I pray that he will come... I need to be with him to let him know that I well and truly love him, I would do most anything for him. But alas dear journal it is so very late and I have so much work to do come the dawn. I must search through my few gowns and see if I can find one suitable for the ball, or freshen up the emerald affair I wore tonight; I wonder if I could put glamour on it? I must begin packing my things to go to the Villa. So thus yawning I bid you goodnight.

Early Evening 27 Kyuto

2005-08-02T14:34:43Z

Dearest journal,

The lieutenancy exams were today, I passed! along with Gabriel and Corwin. I was terrified while in the examination room, I was certain I had failed. Commander Maurbury is transferring Gabriel to the Wasp as first Lieutenant I would have hugged Gabe if it where acceptable! Then I received a shock, I have been transferred to the Wasp as the captain of the air-to-air and air-to-ground units! I will be responsible for building the tactical maneuvers and strategies for them as well as training the new recruits. Gods I pray I do not let Commanders Maurbury and Motson down. Commander Maurbury also told us in the strictest of confidences a little about his past as it related to Gabriel's and my relationship, with a kind warning to always remember duty before love.

On the walk back to the crown Gabriel and I where in high spirits until I had to deny him a private diner and celebration tonight as I was already engaged for dinner. It broke my heart to tell him I couldn't join him. Matters only got worse as we had both forgotten that Greenwoods is tomorrow. He asked me if I wanted to go. Gods the look in his eyes when I told him I had already agreed to go with Elizabeth. I tried to invite him to a small and short celebration before dinner at the least, he declined claiming he needed to return to Hucks Peak. I could see right though the excuse and it hurt that he was shutting me out so swiftly. I gave it one last try at my room, inviting him in for a drink... he denied me again and with a heavy heart I bid him goodnight.

Dear journal if that were only the end of it.... once I was dressed and ready for dinner. I felt terribly exposed Ambrose said that was because I was dressed like and woman and that is something I’m unaccustomed to. Elizabeth came for me. we had time before dinner, we where about to find a table and have some tea when Gabriel walked back into the Crown. when I saw him he looked thunderstruck, looking at me as if I was something else entirely. I think I said his name because Elizabeth took note of us. He came over to us, his eyes looked like twin pools of dark fire, burning into my being I couldn’t remove my eyes from his. I remembered belatedly to introduce him to Elizabeth. He left abruptly afterwards for his room... I never wanted anything as much as I wanted to run after him and beg for his forgiveness. my heart still aches with every thought that he is wounded by my actions and sitting alone in his rooms instead of enjoying the evening.

Gabriel will you forgive me? I would give anything to know that you... that you where not as I fear sitting alone right now. If I could I would throw away all convention and go to you right now.

26 Kyuto

2005-07-14T14:22:33Z

Today was a wonderfully fulfilling day dear journal. I renewed my connections with my coven... oh how I have missed Mother and the rest of my coven.. it felt like a homecoming. The Shop still smells the same. welcoming and peaceful, I can never find the same sense of calm peace in any other place. Ambrose was thrilled to see Mother again, though I often wonder if he only loves her for the treats she always has for him.

The dress shop was... an ordeal though one I would go through again I think... when I had the non to purchase a dress there myself. Flora is a fine seamstress and a superb dress maker.. I am looking at the new dress as I wright and I can't help but smile. Elizabeth has been so good to me, and I have done nothing for her. I really must do something for her to thank her for her kind gifts. The dress is beautiful though I am still worried about the low neckline, and having my shoulders bare is something I never thought to do in public. Flora said it suits me, I do love the color though I fear I shall turn a permanent shade of pink in my cheeks when I wear it to dinner tomorrow evening.

I wonder what Gabriel would think if he should see me in the dress? I pray he would not see me as a harlot... oh the thought of him thinking ill of me cracks my heart! I do hope that he goes to the salon, I would dearly love to steal a few moments with him alone. But ah my dear journal it is getting late and I must gain some sleep before my watch on Nautilus.. I will bid you good night and see to filling you with my dreams and heart's wishes another time.

24 Kyuto

2005-07-10T05:20:01Z

        Well. Today was a grand success I think. After so much planning, testing, practicing, planning, testing, and planning the Nautilus successfully flew over Khemar this very afternoon. The Autogyros flew beautifully!, the flight plan Corwin and I put together turned out better than I could have dreamed. Gabriel and I disembarked to greet and answer queries from the gathered nobility tradesmen and others who had come to see the public "birth" of the Aerofleet. it was a bit unsettling to be honest, Lady Chatterly may have done a wonderful job training me for society but I don’t think I will ever take to being a public speaker like Bill.

        The Cab ride down to Gridly for the celebration was better than I had hoped, Gabriel was a perfect if flirtatious gentleman, though I did my own share of flirtation it was nice to relax and let him hold me. By the gods I was nearly blinded by the amount of brass that filled Gridly tonight! I must say that I do believe my dear commander and friend William Marbury seemed a bit out of sorts at the Party tonight I pray that he comes to his senses about that horrible cat Enaya Beckam. She only wants him for his title, social status and connections. And to think I would have called her freind.

         I caught sight of Commander Motson at one point in the evening and I can't help but wonder about the young lady with Commander Motson; isent she a little young for him? Gabriel and I took a long walk through the gardens. it really was a lovely night and I was glad to be out and away from all of those... snobs. Gabriel was again a true gentleman and simply held my arm as we walked, I think that my chest should burst for my heart swells with each thought of him! The rest of the evening passed with little to note.

         Gabriel walked me to my flat where we shared a pot of tea and each others company in quiet comfort. I finally had to chase him away before we both nodded off, it just wouldn’t do to have him discovered in my flat if we are to keep our affair a secret! but ah dear Journal. I am nodding as I write and there is no telling what the morrow will bring so I bid thee good night.

phedre_moonfire @ 2005-07-04T06:51:00

2005-07-04T13:54:25Z

This is a small painting of my little familiar Ambrose. he is a sweet heart if a little mischievous at times. I chose to have him pictured in both his lovely winter coat and summer coat. Isn't he darling?